Expectant Tribe

Why do women feel the need to share their pregnancy and birth trials and struggles with women who are currently expecting? I had it happen to me, and I promised that I would never to do it someone else.  Yet a few weeks ago, I found myself having a conversation with some new friends at a girls' night out:

Me: Yes, I'm really excited to be having a night out. I was stuck on bed rest last year, and I STILL feel like I'm trying to find my social life.

Friend #1: Wow, you were on bed rest? For how long?

Me: Five months! We thought we were going to lose my little guy at 17 weeks, but he made it!

Friend #1: Yeah, that's so hard. I was told at 30 weeks that my baby wouldn't live due to a heart defect. Happily, we found a wonderful doctor at Vanderbilt who was able to repair the heart defect, and now my son is doing great!

Me: Yes, Vanderbilt is wonderful. We spent some time there when David had spinal surgery at 5 months.

Suddenly, Friend #1 and I become aware that Friend #2 is just looking at us with very wide eyes. And a very pregnant belly.

Me: Um, but of course YOUR pregnancy will be just fine!

Friend #1: Yes! I mean, stuff like that is pretty rare.....

And we trail off awkwardly and try to think of something else to say.....

I remember attending a party when I was expecting my first child. The hostess introduced me to one of her friends-- "And this is Jennifer! She had her baby on the Woodland Street Bridge!"

Yes, just what I needed to hear.

I really feel like we have this deep, female impulse to share these stories. Perhaps they somehow serve to strengthen us as we prepare for a trial of endurance. Perhaps they assure us that even if our babies have surgeries or are born on the side of the road, life will be okay, one way or the other. Or maybe these trials become such an important part of our lives that to share them is to share a vital part of ourselves with our friends.

So, my expectant friends, I will try to keep my mouth shut around you. But if I share a few too many details, just know I can't help it. And besides, YOUR pregnancy will be just fine.