Team Play

I'm not very good at playing.

Work, that I can do. I love to work. I love crossing tasks off of To Do lists.

But play? I get a little confused with that one.

I like to watch my kids play. I especially like to watch them play while I work....watch them play chase while I do the laundry, watch them pretend to cook while I do the dishes....

Photo taken by Ian.

But when they want me to play with them, sometimes I have a hard time focusing just on the fun and letting go of my never-ending queue of activities.

Which is why I am so glad I don't have to do this parenting thing alone.

Paul is great at playing. He can be silly and fun while showing the boys how to do new things. He can play a favorite game over and over with amazing patience and kindness. When he's upstairs with the boys, I hear thuds and giggles and cheering, and I know they are all having a blast.

Sometimes I envy Paul's play ability. I wish I had that. I wish it weren't a struggle for me to set aside my work.

But often I'm inspired. Often I hear the laughter and feel the strength I need to focus on my two beautiful sons and just play.

Not enough. Not yet. But it's a start.

Birth, Death, and Being a Hipster Snob

A high school friend's husband died Saturday night. It stinks.

I didn't know him well, and I'd only seen my friend a few times in the last ten years.

They'd been married for three months.

And it just stinks.

That is such an inadequate word, but I don't know what else to say.

This week I had nightmares about friends dying.

I went to the visitation last night. It was good to see my friend, to see that she is surviving despite the senseless tragedy that has entered her life. The nightmares stopped.

Photo courtesy of Paul Nicholson

And I got to see a baby. Another friend had a baby a month ago, and she and her baby were at the visitation as well. She joked that she was the encore receiving line.....nothing like a peaceful, sleeping baby at a visitation.

I saw some other high school friends there. One told me about her job as a television reporter. When I asked for whom she reported, she named some local affiliates.

My reply? "Oh! I'm sorry, I don't watch TV."

Yes, friends, I was THAT person, that hipster snob who "doesn't watch TV."

What I really meant was, "I can't believe I didn't know that! I am uninformed politically and kinda scattered right now, so I tend to miss obvious facts."

But I'm worried I worded that the wrong way.

Sigh.

So it's been a weird week. And before I could come here and talk about baby carriers or boots, I needed to write about this. Because sometimes terrible, crazy things happen, and I just don't understand.

Waiting

I feel like "Waiting" is the theme of my life these years, perhaps the theme of God's carvings in my soul.

I'm learning -- slowly -- to accept my powerlessness in certain situations and learning (still slowly) to surrender those situations to the One who is really in control.

Waiting.  A bed rest portrait by Paul Nicholson.
I feel like the Lady of Shalott here.

The lesson started with bed rest. Oh, what waiting in five months of bed rest. Starting in week 17 of my pregnancy -- will my baby live? Will he be in the NICU? What will happen? Things I could not control. A time of waiting and hoping and praying. And once I passed about 32 weeks, pretty much just waiting.

Then of course while I was on bed rest, my house was for sale. Would it sell? Could we buy the dream house we had found? Would someone without a contingency buy the house on which we had a contract? No control. Nothing I could do. Just lay there. And wait. And see.

And you know what? My baby lived. He didn't need the NICU. I got to wait five months in bed to bring a beautiful full-term baby into the world. And guess what else? My house sold. I got to move into an amazing house with room for my new little boy.

And you know what else? I'm still waiting.

This summer it was waiting for school. Ian was unhappy in one school, and he was on the waiting list for another. Would he get into his new school in time for the fall semester? Should I look for other options? Should I take him out of school entirely?

And just when I had relaxed my grasp on the situation and started to trust a bit more in God's plan, we got the call. Ian had gotten into the new school. He loves it. It's a good fit.

And now I'm in another season of waiting. It's a bit complicated to explain here, and I'm not sure that the solution is just around the corner, wrapped up with a neat little bow. This one feels like it has more learning for me......maybe this is a long-haul situation that God is using to make me a bit more like Christ. Hurray? I mean, I want to be like Christ, but gee this is.....uncomfortable. Maybe I'll keep these dragon scales on me a little while longer.

I had some encouragement this week from a friend who was telling me about Habakkuk and how hundreds of years passed before the justice for which he pleaded came to pass. And that made me think about Abraham, who saw what was promised from a distance but did not receive it during his life here on Earth.

So....here I am.....learning again to live with the waiting.

Old Navy Cardi Party

Our new fall outfits! We got to take them home thanks to Old Navy.
(The dog mannequin stayed at the store.)

In my current state as a mom with young children, scarves are my thing. I love scarves. I'll wear scarves when it's 85 degrees outside.

I can't wear a necklace right now. My toddler will chew on it and yank on it until it breaks. But scarves? Fair game for chewing. Great for peekaboo, too. Oh, and bonus points to scarves for being big enough to hide stains on t-shirts.

Trying out a few options

So when Old Navy offered to send me and three of my friends on a fall shopping mission to find skirts, cardis, and scarves, you can bet I was ready to go. And I took my friends Danielle, Mandy, and Rebekah along for the fun.

Once at the store, we scouted the styles to see what we liked the best.We each tried on a few different looks to find the perfect style to take home.

Mandy and Danielle add splashes of color.

Mandy wasn't sure where to start, but she found some in-store ideas that helped her create a great look. Danielle found an outfit that looks good now and will still work for her after her sweet baby arrives in a few weeks.

Rebekah, whom we discovered can rock a hat like nobody's business, found so many great options that she's already planning a return shopping trip!

I found myself drawn to the pencil skirts. My friend Jessica, one of my fashion heroes, says every woman needs a black pencil skirt in her wardrobe. I tried to go for a Mad Men-type look with the black pencil skirt, but I found that the corduroy skirt was more suited to my casual style.

Rebekah with some Tennessee style.

I think all of us found extra pieces we decided to buy in addition to our free skirt/scarf/cardi combos. I usually shop alone (or online), and combining shopping with a girls' night out was a really fun experience. The encouragement I received from these sweet ladies made me feel like I could step away from my normal look and try some new things (hot pink stripes, anyone?!).

Thanks to the employees and store manager at Old Navy Nashville West for their patience and good humor during our visit, and thank you to Danielle, Mandy, and Rebekah for a terrific evening of shopping. What a fun event!




You can see more of our photos from the Old Navy Cardi Party at Flickr and Pinterest.

Disclaimer: Old Navy provided free clothes to my friends and me, and Crowdtap gives me points for writing honestly about my experience. However, the opinions expressed are my own.

Myopic

Blah-blah-blah, me-me-blah! Blah-blah, blah-blah, me-me-me!
(A little Finding Nemo humor for ya there.)
Photo courtesy of Paul Nicholson.

I've been struggling lately with how self-centered I feel on this blog.

I mean, it's a blog...it's an online diary. It's going to be fairly focused on me, I suppose.

I think to some extent I'm just grumpy and restless because I've been sick off and on for a week. Paul and I had a stomach virus last week. While most of the symptoms only lasted a few hours, I find I'm still battling unusual fatigue. Add to that playing catch-up with housework and taking a quick weekend trip to Chattanooga.....whoo. I'm a tired girl.

Generally I go ino Ecclesiastes mode (everything is meaningless!) after a few days of being sick, so perhaps that is where I am today.

Letter to Pearl

Today & throughout the week we are gathering -- on blogs, Facebook, & paper -- to write letters to Pearl Joy Brown.  Whether you've been following Pearl's story for months or you are meeting her for the first time today, we invite you to join us.

 Dear Pearl,

For a long time, our family has wanted to find a community of believers with whom we could share our lives.

When we found our church this year and heard about a new home group forming in our neighborhood, it seemed that at last our prayers had been answered.

I got to learn more about our new faith family this summer as I watched them joyfully celebrate your life and pray for you.

And as I've watched you grab onto life and hold it with all your might these past few weeks, I realize that God is calling me to more than just community.

You see, dear Pearl, I'm a runner. When I see need and vulnerability, I help a little. And then I run away.

I'm afraid of getting hurt.  I'm afraid of opening my heart and feeling pain. I'm afraid of getting so lost in the need that I can't find myself any more.

But in your little life and in our new community, I see God calling me to open my heart. To risk the pain. To find in our community of believers a safe place to offer help when I can and say "no" when I'm can't. 

I'm excited about meeting you this year, sweet Pearl, and walking alongside your family on this journey. I am so grateful that they have chosen to share you with us and let us grow through your story.

Love,
Christy

To learn more about Pearl, visit pearljoybrown.wordpress.com.

To support the Brown family in a tangible way, visit their support page HERE or click the photo below to donate to the Van Fund.

Check-In

Hola, friends.

This post needed an image.
So I found one.

Just checking in. Today was a much better day than it should have been. The kids and I were cranky, and David had a constant runny nose. However, the boys played happily together for much of the day, and we spent lots of time together reading books. Hooray for small miracles! Truly there are treasures to be found everywhere.

And speaking of treasures (see what I did there?), I picked out a few gems for your reading pleasure:

• Bonnie at I Create Memories with a beautiful post on expectations and perfectionism.
  
• Amanda at Life. Edited. and the faith found in waiting.
   
•  Another great metaphor at Femina (remember the milkshake?), this one from Rebekah
   
• And finally, for those of you needing some language geekiness, a cool chart from The New York Times showing a hypothesis about the origins of modern Indo-European languages. 

Crazy Little Thing Called.....Um...Not Sure

I hate feelings.

I was a good emotion-bottler for years. But once that stopped working (resulting in, you know, depression and anxiety), I actually had to DEAL with the things.

So for the past few years, I've been really good at analyzing my feelings.

"Let's label this one fear, and put it in that box on the third shelf of the left bookcase."

"Hmm, this one needs some extra work......I think I'm feeling this way because of that thing I read this afternoon...."

People will tell me how "self-aware" I am, but of course I know that it's a coping mechanism. If I can name the emotion and determine the reason for it, I feel in control again.

Tonight I had some unwelcome emotions that really interfered with my evening plans. Out of nowhere I suddenly spiraled into a little bit of crazy. Maybe I just had a long day, or maybe it was hormones. But really, I had no idea. I couldn't name the exact feeling. I didn't know why I was feeling that way.

So I decided that since I couldn't box away the feelings and stack them on a shelf, I would just feel them. So I just sat there. I prayed for peace. I felt what I felt.

And ya know what? I survived. Best of all, I didn't add to my pile of feelings on the bookshelf. I really don't need anything else to take to Goodwill, anyway.